I have an idea? GROW UP.
Y'know, I never write blogs like this. So blatant and everything. But this time I will, and I'm not even going to try to make it eloquent.
I'm sick to death of people saying 'it's not my fault' - Ohhh, so many people of late.
And yes, I'll admit I used to say that when I was hurting someone. But now I can see, oh too clearly, yes it was my fault.
If someone loves you, and you tell them you love them - no matter how you mean it - it's gonna fuck them up. They're gonna think they have a chance, of anything. If you don't tell them there's no chance. Be clear and don't send mixed signals. To any one involved.
I acted like the best friend hiding feelings, I took advantage, and I lied just to make them feel better. And to me, that's all you're fucking doing. So, stop, and actually acknowledge: This is your fault.
People always say; 'don't blame yourself' - sometimes, I think people need to blame themselves. Because everything anyone does, effects so much more than they can see.
Yes, you want to enjoy yourself. But when doing that hurts someone else? It's your fault. Because you could leave the situation hurting them, or tone it down abit.. Leave it, for when it won't directly hurt them. Hearing it's better than seeing it, princess.
A few weeks ago when someone told me to grow up? I was so angry.
All I've ever done for her was grow up, to try and be stronger, more mature. I'm not even 16 yet. But sometimes I think I'm too grown up.
When I do things, and it's like I'm there twice - watching what I'm doing and analysing every point in it, and there; saying all the things, doing everything. I shouldn't, and I'd really like to just live.
And I think I'm finally getting the chance. I don't need to be strong for someone else, not the way I used to. And when I'm happy, I'm so happy. And I don't have to pretend..
There's a new change I can see in myself. I'm not scared to be myself, to admit I'm geekier than most boys, that I like things I've always thought I shouldn't. To be myself. I'm not scared anymore, and I really like it.
There's so many things I need to say to certain people. And I know here isn't the right place.
I want to tell someone that means alot to me that I can be the one they run to, that I won't judge, and I can be what I always was. Or wanted to be..
I need to tell someone I'm hurting, everything. I need to explain, but I'm far too afraid I'm going to hurt them more. But, I just want her to see how much I need this. And that she can't keep blaming me; her actions were her own. And only so much of this can be my fault.
And I need to help as many people as I can. To make things right. I need to make things right..
