It hit so hard, like a bullet through my heart.
I hate days like this. I really do.
Days when every thing's so much what I want. And I laugh until it hurts.
Days I feel wanted.
And if this weekend goes like I'm hoping, things might be harder.
I need to make my decision. Soon.
But if there's many more days like today, I won't be able to go.
The bad things made it easier. Make it easier. I hate them, but they do. They sever the ties I thought I had, and cut the hopes of having things the way I want.
I know it's not real. I'm not like them, but it feels like it sometimes.
Like they want me there.
How long before I'm just a memory? How long before you can't remember me?
I miss him, you know.
Just like I miss her.
Just like I miss everyone.
He was all I used to have. And I thought he needed me.
He made me feel like he cared. Now, he won't talk to me. Won't acknowledge me.
And it hurts, more then I ever thought it could.
I loved him. I loved him, so much.
And I pushed him so far away; I broke something.
And now I can't have him. Ever.
No matter how I try. He only needs me when he hates her.
Not like he used to need me. Like I mattered. Like I was the secret kept.
Now I'm nothing.
I don't want to know that. I want things to go back to how they where before I asked to much of you. Before you held me when I cried. Before I ruined everything.
I can't even say sorry. Because I don't even know what to be sorry for anymore.
I took what I could get and literally it took the place of love.
Change is inevitable.
So is death. And breathing. And life. And the fact that the stars shine. And that grass is green.
Somethings are good. Some aren't.
Which is change?
Good. Or bad?
It's both. And I hate that.
I know I say alot. And I should focus on the good. And I do think things are good.. Just bad is easier. Everything. Simple.
But you don't really notice change, until you compare.
You don't always realise how much people change, if you're always there. Because you change with them. It only hurts when you look back. Look at how much things aren't how you used to love. But you love the here and now, right?
But looking at how much you've changed hurts the most.
And boy, have I changed.
I'm not broken in the same ways. Just broken.
It took people I used to talk to all the time, people that meant the world to me, to point out how different I am. I loved them. And now, I don't want to dwell on them. And they bug me. It's not right.
It hurts.
But I don't want to go back.. I like change. I like when I change. I'm just sorry to whoever gets caught up in the whirl wind.
See I recall quite perfectly who I was;
I got a strong will, just weak hands.
And I don't know what to do with either one of them.
Ps: This blog will probably be added onto. Sorry it's ambiguous and uneloquent.And that I'm too lazy to proof read. 
